Dilemma

When I was a kid of about 8 years old, I used to dream of how becoming an adult like. How it feels like earning money to buy my own clothes, make-ups, jewelries, bags and a many more that will make me feel happy. It’s funny that instead of me playing after school, I used to day dream like I am working in a high rise building and earning for a living. I was obsessed of that scenario until I finished high school. And on the third phase of my life, I started to be scared of things that lie ahead of me. Trials and hardships while aiming for my goal. It was not a very good experience though. Begging for something which you shouldn’t be. That was a hell of an experience that I couldn’t bear remembering. And now, I’m in a state where my dream is, why is it so hard to be happy and contented? It isn’t involving anyone in the past that I swore I wouldn’t care to look back. ‘Coz they’re the one taught me to be stiff and care less. At the end of the day, it is my heart always says to care more and love more. I maybe immature and stubborn at times but I am just missing how it feels like being a kid again. Being away from the real world that so hard to be with. Now, I realized that it isn’t easy to be an adult because an adult has to learn many things that a kid wouldn’t care about. It’s finding a great way for happiness and contentment. 

Sad truth about career

When I joined the company where I am working right now, I have no idea of what and how would be my coming days would get over. Had started the days with just answering telephone calls and welcoming the guests made me feel relaxed but as the days, weeks and months goes by I started to feel bored. For what reason, I know that this isn’t my call. This isn’t what I want. I want something else. I want some work that would not bore me. Work that would make my days like it’s not getting over. As I am thinking of things that fit and help me, there are people who are thinking the same way I do. Not for personal growth, not for personal intention. But for someone that matters a lot to them, their families. While my days and careers goes and goes and improving, can’t imagine how they strive and work so hard. Trying to prove themselves that their worthy of their duty not for themselves but for their family who relies and depend on them.

As the story goes, difficulties came along and let him sink in a situation that is unrecoverable. It’s the sad truth. Though we already put ourselves to best of our capabilities, we never know how far our motivation can bring us to and let lead us to where our dreams are. Focus makes a lot of difference. Determination is one thing. And a problem is just one which will wipe everything we have worked so hard for.

Here in a place where…

It’s been 2 years and 9 months since I landed here in a place where I know nobody. At first, I’m too excited for what will happen and how well good things will last. Though I’m packed with positive views and hopes, there are times that I’m feeling like failing. I had so much of doubtful acts and seem immature. But good thing that God never failed to watch over me, guide me and grant my prayers. During those years of being here, I never felt something that buried me to loneliness not until now. I thought life being away from the people you know and you care a lot is just something that’s normal. But seeing things go different, doing things alone drowned me into distress. I can’t help but think, do I made a right choice? Did my decision bring something productive? But realizing that being away means providing their needs and learning something that would mold you for being strong, competent and independent, I think I made a right a decision. A thought that somehow would help to subside my loneliness. Loneliness here in a place where I am all alone. 

1989 - Snake's Year

The best description of my personality... 80% true...

The Snake is by nature contradictable. The Snakes are intellectual, passionate and sometimes faired. Snakes can lack some self-confidence which makes them possessive and jealous. Snakes are very self-critical and can often pretend to know more about things than they actually know. Their ability to understand information makes them talented for research and academic studies. Snakes are weak for power and like to socialize with eminent persons and like expensive things. They have a natural leadership and fit well with for example politicians.

Snakes are romantic and passionate partners, but a little mysterious. They are sentimental but can show jealousy and never forgives you if you break a promise. Snakes trust them self’s and often they are right. Snakes are appreciated for their humoristic characteristics which they also keep in difficult situations.

-source: celebritysky.com

Unpledged

“Deepening intimacy without defining a level of commitment is like going on a mountain climbing with a friend who isn’t sure if he wants the responsibility of holding your rope. “ – Joshua Harris

Many say love is a wonderful thing, that it always makes your world painted red. But for some unfortunate hearts, those who didn’t know where to stand in an unknown relationship, love is walking on a bridge wandering how it unites the land between water and how strong it was not to collapse if heavy vehicles passes by. It does makes us satisfied, happy and very affectionate but beyond these unknown relationship makes us wonder how long we could stand and wait. It could be very difficult waiting for the right time even though there is no assurance of the right time. So hard. So painful. So being naïve.

But no wonder, deepening intimacy is a great feeling especially when you know that there’s something in return. Something that is so hopeful he/she loves you back. But in turn, you really felt that it really has something yet after all that has been shown and said, something that he/she lets you feel, then makes you realized that all is a lie. That is just a way of life, making lies and earning fake feelings.

There’s still time to be spent and things that would possibly happen along the way. Maybe the journey would make him strong enough to hold my rope or let my rope loose from his hands.

Mt. Bulaylay Invasion

A week or two before August 28, 2010 came. I felt like being gloomy. I wanted to go to somewhere but I didn’t know where exactly that is. I can’t even tell that I’m missing the company of my friends at Marvz Tambayan. But one thing is for sure, I wanted to be with a calm peaceful place. Then I told Moises what I am thinking at the moment. He asked me if I want to go his place (Cuyapo, Nueva Ecija) with the rest of the barkada. So told him yes, and start inviting them to join me with my escapades. It was actually scheduled August 21, 2010 but due to early scheduled of my flight I decided to cancel the tour and ask for an apology for renouncing the plan. But changes came that it happens to schedule the flight on September 2, 2010. We plan once more for the tour to Cuyapo and reinvite our friends to join us and have some fun.

On august 28, 2010, Moises Gamboa, Marifhe Nava, John Lastimosa, Marvin Ignacio and I depart to Cuyapo with packed lunch pinakbet, fried chicken, rice and fruits and chips to snack over while climbing the mountain known as Mt. Bulaylay. Due to late arrival to Moises’ grandparent’s house, we decided to have lunch since we all craving for the smell of our foods. After lunch, Moises asked his cousins and brothers to guide us with our venture to the mountain since most of them weren’t able to visit the Cuyapo’s beautiful scenery.

When we saw the Mt. Bulaylay, we were all excited to get there and have some pictures. And we’ve learned that the walk way of that mountain was already concrete cement. We love the excitement we felt that very moment. We laugh while stepping afar from our origin and notice that this mountain was only pure elevated walk way. It tires us every inch of seconds we stepped. And realized that we can’t step out foot anymore and it becomes heavier as it is before. We felt very exhausted after 30 minutes or so and made laugh with each other’s expression while walking. Marvin made himself acting like a witch doctor in DOTA they always played at computer café. And it is one of the reasons why we drained all our energy while going up to the peak. We were not sure of how long was we walked through but one made it with countless of stop-overs in 1 hour and 45 minutes or more. And when we finally get there, the rain pours right exactly we stepped our feet to the repeater tower’s gate. It’s an additional experience for all of us that we didn’t expect really. I’m really amazed. We are all amazed. We’ve seen the perfect view of the Pangasinan, Guimba and Cuyapo clearly and greeny. Like any other mountain, the mountain has a mini grotto and took some pictures of it and I uttered a prayer for our safety. After we have explored the peak of Mt. Bulaylay, we all decided to leave the place seeing the heavy rains will be coming to us. I played the Do You Remember and have some dance steps, and cheers while we were going down. We laughed hard. We also found a small flower having petals of different colors that I’ve only seen for the first time in this adventure. I took some and have some photos with it. I’ve really enjoyed the escapade we made with the company of these people who are close to my heart. Just a little bit frustrated that many of them didn’t come with us and share the beautiful experience that for sure I’ll be missing when I left for work. But it’s ok, that the place made the visit so complete.

Thank you so much for being with me John, Marifhe, Marvin and Moises. And thank you very much Moises for allowing me to be with this kind of place once more. I hope the second time that we will set a date for another venture, many of us will be joining. This is not the last time, this has a part II that hoping to be so near, very near. Thank you very much guys. This really completes my jobless vacation. I hope luck for all us.

Love it! =) so sweet…

How sweet life could be?

I was stuck this afternoon of August 25, 2010 thinking of the things I have done in my life. I could always say I’m happy because you could always see smiles in my lips. And I could also say I’m good because you didn’t know how exactly I’m feeling. Today, I’m into countless reasons why I’m feeling sad. I just can’t help to feel this way. It’s going to be a week before I go far from you guys. I’m near into it and I can’t help but miss you all already. I know how tough life is, and I have to do this for my dreams and plans. But knowing that there will be no Moises Gamboa to text me everyday, Girard Karlo Landingin to share a laughter with me and some wise talk like John Lastimosa did, someone like Marifhe Nava to check when I’ll be at school and have I eaten already, someone like Richard Sebastian to be with in a photos and videos makes me feel sad. There will be no Marvin Ignacio’s tambayan-like to spent the rest of the day and sleep-over and have an exchange “super smiles”. Nico Jerome Balot to call me up and share jokes and observations about love teams. No France Joseph Valino and Paul Arqueroto call me their only madam. Argh, I’m feeling sad really. But I wanted to write all those names and give some lines to let them know how they make my life so happy. The q2 boys who always checked on me if I’m alright and ask me if I’ll be handling some of the academic subjects at school. Thank you for being so understanding Lay Anulacion and Armilyn Laplano. The coolest Lex Phil Dela Cruz and Joel Calanday who always cheered me up. For those who are not mentioned, I love you guys. You knew for yourself you made me happy just by the simple company you shared with me. I found you all in my downfall and I feel so lucky.

I’m just going to somewhere, not am I saying that I won’t come back. We also have so many ways of communicating with each other (haha!). (Just wanted to burst out the sadness I'm feeling.) But being so dependent with your company make me think if I’ll be ok. But for sure I’ll be. Thank you all guys. ♥♥♥